“Patty Cakes” Playlist

So, “Patty Cakes” is a fun little song (and another composition of mine that could have been a lost track from Elton John’s Goodbye Yellow Brick Road road album) about an angry, vindictive woman. It certainly follows in the footsteps of many of Ben Folds’s snarkier kiss-off songs, and the story line also makes it feel like it should be part of Eric Schwartz’s catalogue of songs about lesbians. However, this playlist also includes some songs from a number of fairly righteously angry babes, including Tori Amos, Fiona Apple, and Regina Spektor. Then there’s the obligatory Billy Joel songs because piano-playing-tenor and the Randy Newman songs for the humorous content, as well as Bette Midler’s hilarious “Otto Titsling.” It’s a great 90 minute ride.

Here’s the LINK WHERE YOU CAN LISTEN TO THE MUSIC THIS VERY INSTANT For Free on Spotify, as you well should.

If you already enjoy my music, you will enjoy this playlist; if you know somebody who doesn’t know me, but who likes any or all of these other artists in the playlist, you should share the link immediately and explain how my music will improve the quality of their lives, raise their fertility levels if they’re trying to conceive, and bless their offspring with wealth and health. It’s like having a little Buddha in musical form.

LYRICS TO PATTY CAKES:

She’ll hypotherm’ya like a winter in Siberia, watch you beg for warmth and pretend she can’t hear ya, say that she loves you so much but won’t even come near ya. She’ll block your cock and lock down both the fridge and freezer, take all ya got, want more, and only thing’ll please her is patty cakes, patty makes and bakes just for herself. Patty takes her patty cakes and hides ’em on the highest shelf, cuz when you’re dealing with patty cakes, patty fakes all the emotions that you thought were true. When you’ve been dining on patty cakes, your stomach aches. You’ll really wish you had the flu or ebola too.

She’s got the intel on your social and your bank line, surrounds your furniture with trip wire and land mines. A laser level for the hairs around her vee-gyne. The newest denmother parked on a kitchen high chair — some sapphic searchlight saw a sign and promised that one her share of patty cakes; Patty’s sake is the only motivation she’s got. Patty cakes are big mistakes, and she’ll rake you over red hot rocks, cuz when you’re dealing with patty cakes, Patty breaks all the rules she made back at the start. Don’t you know that she’ll raise the stakes high as it takes to drive ’em back down through your heart and your wallet too?

She’ll make you dine out every dinner. Make you eat take-out every lunch. She’ll even force you from the breakfast nook. Is it crass for me to mention all the carpet she’s been munching on? Patty cakes....

She’ll buy herself the things she wants and expect you pay, won’t let you feel at home and wonders why you don’t stay, blame you tomorrow for the things she does today. When her pasts all catch up to her, they won’t find her just walkin’ with her saggy sacks of buckwheat and her penchant for sweet talkin’ ’bout patty cakes, patty makes and bakes just for herself. Patty takes her patty cakes and hides ’em on the highest shelf, cuz when you’re dealing with patty cakes, patty fakes all the emotions that you thought were true. When you’ve been dining on patty cakes, your stomach aches. You’ll really wish you had the flu or ebola too.

Patty cakes! Patty’s sake is the only motivation she’s got. Patty cakes are big mistakes, and she’ll rake you over red hot rocks, cuz when you’re dealing with patty cakes, Patty breaks all the rules she made back at the start. Don’t you know that she’ll raise the stakes high as it takes to drive ’em back down through your heart and your wallet too?