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SNARKY KISS OFF SONG (reposted from Facebook)



So here's another brand-new track from my just-released EP "Sad Sack." I was actually inspired to write this track by a rather scathing review of Ben Folds's WAY TO NORMAL album, which claimed that Ben Folds basically wrote nothing but snarky kiss-off songs. Of course the reviewer was, in my opinion, way off mark. But I thought... So what? Even if that WAS all Ben Folds did (he doesn't), are they GOOD snarky kiss-off songs? Are they melodic? Are they clever and poignant? Well, the kiss-off songs he has written are indeed!


Thus, I decided I would write a song simply titled "Snarky Kiss Off Song." I'd say I fairly nailed the genre. Oh, dear... Now I can never write another kiss-off song! (And I guess I have to forget I ever wrote "Jump Into the River," as well!)


The recording process for this one was pretty fun, if somewhat segmented.


I actually recorded the piano and the vocals first, laid over a drum loop for timing purposes, of course. Then Paul Galiszewski met me at Jankland Studios a few weeks later, where Steve Jankowski worked with him for a good deal of time getting the rhythm and the style of playing -- as a rock drummer, Paul hasn't had to do anything "jazzy" in a couple of decades, whereas Steve has a very strong jazz background. What's more, apparently, playing drums on a song like this one is EXHAUSTING. Paul was practically gasping for air by the time we finally nailed the drums... Which, honestly, probably only took a little over an hour. A pretty amazing feat!


Jacque Jobes played his bass on this, but he did so at my home studio on the same nights that he recorded the swing version of "Sad Sack," as well as "La Casa Azul" and "Fuse I" and "Fuse II." I don't think he needed more than one or two takes to totally nail this. While Jacque is an excellent rock bassist, I think he is most engrossed in his playing when there's some element of jazz, funk, or R&B in the song... He really gets into it. And he got into this song big-time and fast.


Tom Briant added his guitar to this at my home studio, as well. Ever the professional, Tom was in and out in under half an hour.


The result sounded great, but I still felt we were lacking something: Horns. To bring out the subtle funk/jazz influences in the chord structure and rhythm, I really needed an arrangement that played up the big band style I was going for. Steve Jankowski said that if I could write him a part and play it on synth, he'd learn it. So I did, and a few hours after forwarding him my arrangement, I had real live (and awesome) horns. He had to adjust a little of what I'd written since, as he reminded me, real horn players have to actually breathe, whereas synth horns don't. But that's fine with me: His horns sounded better than my synth by a long shot!


Here are the lyrics to the song for you enjoyment -- and you will enjoy them. They're pretty funny. At the bottom of the entry, you can find links for purchase.

SNARKY KISS-OFF SONG

I’ve been reflecting on our time together

You’ve seen fit to cut my tether

You said you couldn’t stand to see my languishing like this inside

Such an altruistic act for you to unilaterally decide

And I’m mentally sorting out a slew of small discrepancies

Perhaps you’d be so kind enough to settle them for me

I’d like you to express in maybe thirty words or less

How you could promise me forever but deliver transient at best

Maybe all the other guys were too polite to rebuff all your lies

Or too mentally defunct to recognize your lack of depth.

They say bitter is as bitter does and I oughta know

Can you really be so cut-throat or my uptake so slow?

If you ever saw this coming, you never once let me know

And now I’m only overjoyed to see you go.

You’ve been parading with your brand new beau

With his hipster ’stache and French chapeau

Your man candy’s become a permanent fixture there on your arm

Where he models hats and pontificates about owning a sustainable farm

So when his scintillating affectations finally wear thin

You know where to find me and what orifice you can stick it in

I’d like you to express in maybe thirty words or less

How you could promise me forever but deliver transient at best

Maybe all the other guys were too polite to rebuff all your lies

Or too mentally defunct to recognize your lack of depth.

They say bitter is as bitter does and I’m a believer

You should be handed an award as the year’s wide receiver

I’ve seen your latest batch of conquests and don’t try to say either

They’re not all just a bunch of insipid mouth breathers

You know how to broker a deal

And where the ticket is to your every next meal

There ain’t a crowd you can’t manipulate with your appeal

But you can only work the same room for so long

’Til all you get in return’s a snarky kiss off song.

You can preview the track and download it at iTunes:

Or at CDBaby (where a full EP download is two dollars less than on iTunes):

Or of course you can always email me here privately if you'd like to order a hard copy of the EP and I can bill you through PayPal.